“How can I repay the Lord for all His acts of kindness to me? I will celebrate my deliverance, and call on the name of the Lord.” Psalm 116: 12-13 NET
Some days the temptation comes from every side. Just a taste of my old habit of sin; knocking, trying to put a foot in the door of my mind. When I’m tired, when I’m weak, when I’ve neglected my time with God, the temptation seems to surround me on every side, like a lion waiting to pounce.
Flaws in my personality are honed in on by the Liar. My perpetual lack of consistency and discipline are pointed out. The fact that I’ve never been able to stay fully pure this long, “What makes you think you can do it now?” For a bit my mind entertains; sometimes longer than others. Some days I want to believe the lies, just for a taste…
But then I remember the oppression, the lies, the pain, the hurt, the feeling like I was suffocating and being smothered in my sin. I remember my emotions, slowly separating from reality. I remember the shame of being caught in sin and the nights when I begged God to take it away. I remember the lies and stories I’d tell just to indulge. And I remember deep, silent pain that overflowed to every part of my life.
Oh God, sometimes sin seems so appealing, so enticing, so fulfilling and Satan makes us think we are missing out. If that’s what I’m missing, then the battle is worth it! To live free and to be loved for who I am and not who I’m pretending to be is worth the trade-off. I’m never, ever looking back. My Jesus is setting me free!
Thank you, God, for hearing me when I cry out to you. I’m overwhelmingly grateful for your faithfulness in my life. Even when I was at my lowest, you were there wooing me. I wish I had realized it sooner. You have waited for me patiently and met me at my time of need. I don’t have to go back to my old habits, thanks to you. You are making me new.